Alone with Leia I feel a peace and clarity that I haven't felt with a person before. I've only felt it alone in the wilderness. Before I had always thought of my relationships with people as engines of chaos and the wilderness provided an ordered refuge as needed. I had never thought a person could provide that tranquility. Why haven't I found someone like that before? Why now? I certainly could have used that calmness during my tumultuous early 20s.