The FBI issued a detailed bulletin on May 22, which was delivered to state and local police agencies via the National Law Enforcement Telecommunications System. In it, the FBI warned that al-Qaida might be planning to use shoulder-fired missiles—formally called MANPADS, for man-portable air defense systems—against commercial aircraft within the United States.

MANPADS? Bwaahaaha. That sounds like a defense against male incontinence. What self-respecting terrorist would use MANPADS?